The Welcome Home
Dear Sisters ---sweet-hearts--- in
Jesus,
I have been remembering you in
prayer and seek the LORD on your
behalf that He will strengthen and
guide you, that He will be your
source, your All in all. I’m
compelled to write you to a letter
of encouragement for marriage. I do
not mean to exclude those of you who
are not married, those who are
single/widowed/divorced---I am
sympathetic to the various
“life-situations” many of you face.
Even with that in mind, I want to
make a note here for those who are
married and who are struggling or
who are discouraged. Please forgive
any offense this may cause those who
are not in a marriage relationship.
I pray, the LORD being my Help, to
be an encouragement nonetheless.
You know… your husband needs a
sweet-heart. Quite some time ago,
many years, actually, a thought came
to me… what if things are never
going to be different than they are
today? What if my husband is never
going to be a different sort of man
than he is today? What if the
things he does today that are
irritations or are inadequate or not
up to par or whatever---what if
these things never change? What am
I going to do? How am I going to
respond? I began to wonder… how
would the LORD have me to “handle”
these things---these petty
irritations, these
inadequacies---these differences?
Then I asked how does Jesus handle
me? How does *He*
handle the failings in my life? How
do I hope He will deal with me?
So, I went before the LORD and
sought His Face… and I came to see
my husband in a new light. I hope I
continually do, by the way. Because
that’s the way Jesus sees me---Jesus
sees me in a new Light, and that’s
how I need to see my husband. My
LORD has forgiven me---and I *trust*
Him to fully forgive me and to put
away my sin, my guilt, my shame, my
failings, my faults and to cover me
with His loving-kindness and His
forgiveness. I *trust*
the LORD, in faith, to do this and
if I trust the LORD to do this for
me, then, in faith, I do this for my
husband and I seek to love him with
the love of Christ. The LORD had
sweetened my heart---and I needed to
be/demonstrate that to/for my
husband.
Now you might think… ah… that’s easy
with a husband you love and who
loves you. But, what of the
difficult marriages, a difficult
husband? I would prayerfully and
respectfully share that I believe
God---I believe His Word and I
believe in the power of His blood,
the power of His love and the power
of prayer. I believe it is next to
impossible to be at odds with one
you’re regularly praying for and for
whom you’re regularly seeking the
good and the best---the one for whom
you believe, trust, hope and bear
and endure all things. When I am at
odds with someone, I desire and work
to get my thoughts in such a state
as to bear all things, believe all
things, hope all things, endure all
things---in love. When my mind is
in such a state, I cannot remain at
odds with them. Now, they may still
be at odds with me, they may still
not care for me, hold a grudge
against me, dislike my ways, etc.,
etc., but so far as it depends on
me, I seek their good---in love, by
bearing, believing, hoping,
trusting, enduring all things: in
Jesus.
So, then, what about marriage? This
is on my mind a great deal because
this week my husband and I will
celebrate twenty-seven years of
marriage---and we do celebrate this
gift---not only of time, but of all
that God has done. We set about
celebrating one another, we have our
minds set on the other---believing,
bearing, hoping and trusting and
enduring with the other. That’s
what love does---that’s what love
is. It bears all things, believes
all things, hopes all things,
endures all things. (1 Corinthians
13.7)
I guess I’d say that pettiness and
un-forgiveness sours love, sours
hope, erodes past blessings and,
ultimately destroys marriage. As
we’ve come to this point of the year
where we commemorate all the
previous, I’ve considered the years
and what has been the blessing, the
glue, if you will, of marriage---of
lasting love. I would say
determination to be committed to the
things that matter most and to leave
off with things that don’t matter
and to be ever learning to
distinguish what those things are.
As we age, it’s far easier to see
what really matters and what really
doesn’t matter. I’ve been learning
more and more over the years that a
sweet heart isn’t petty. A sweet
heart isn’t easily angered or easily
ruffled. A sweet heart isn’t
self-centered/self-absorbed but is
tender and forgiving. A sweet heart
isn’t mean-spirited, haughty or
rude, and a sweet heart isn’t
sarcastic or cutting because a sweet
heart is gentle and kind. As is
spoken in 1 Peter 3.1-6, a sweet
heart is governed by the fear of the
LORD and is submissive, quiet, meek
and not afraid or suddenly
bothered. This is the sweet heart a
husband needs… every husband desires
a sweet-heart wife.
It won’t matter who was right and
who was wrong, who did more and who
did less, who was stronger, who had
what…etc., etc. In the end, what
will matter is: what was done with
Jesus and was He the center of it
all? What will matter is: did you
walk in love and was Christ
glorified? Was the time sweet?
Oh, you’ll make some mistakes,
you’ll have some regrets, some
disappointments, some---maybe
many---trials. You’ll face defeat
and sorrow will visit your home.
Sorrow skips no home. But in the
end, you’ll have a lot of rocks---a
lot of monuments to the LORD as you
live in love… bearing, believing,
hoping, trusting, enduring all
things---together. In the end it
will be just you and Jesus. In the
end it will be whatever you did with
whatever He gave you, whatever He
commanded, whatever He prompted in
His Word for you. In the end, it
will just be Jesus.
Your husband will be most blessed
(and most inspired) by you as you
walk with Jesus. You cannot walk
alone---your heart will be a stone.
But you can walk with Jesus and He
will give you a heart of flesh---a
tender heart, a loving heart, a
forgiving heart. A sweet heart.
This is the work of the
LORD---this is the work of the Holy
Spirit in a life yielded to Him.
A new heart also will I give
you, and a new spirit will I
put within you: and I will take away the
stony heart out of your
flesh, and I will give you
an heart of flesh.
Ezekiel 36.26
I pray that it will be your desire
to be your husband’s sweet-heart and
all that that entails. And what if
things are never going to be
different than they are today? What
if your husband is never going to be
a different sort of man than he is
today? What if the things he does
today that are irritations or
inadequate or not up to par or
whatever---what if these things
never change? What are you going to
do? I pray you’ll join me and do
what I did… I pray you’ll go before
the LORD and allow Him to examine
your heart and I pray He will begin
a work in you as He is doing in me.
I pray He will be your All in all,
that you will walk in faith and
strong confidence in Jesus---that
you will lack nothing and that you
will allow Him to work in your life,
in your love and in your heart and
that you will allow the LORD to work
in your husband’s life and in his
heart. This is where only the LORD
can work---only the LORD can change
a heart.
I pray that the LORD will use these
thoughts to perhaps encourage
you----if your thoughts concerning
being a sweet heart were not rooted
and grounded in the Word but were,
perhaps, based on the world’s way of
being a sweet heart---because
without Jesus and His work and ways,
nothing will ever truly satisfy and
nothing will ever be truly sweet!
A woman can *act*
sweet for *a
time,*
but only a woman
who *is*
sweetened by Jesus can be sweet for
*a life-time*
I pray your husband’s wife
~smile~ will truly have and be a
sweet heart… because every husband
needs a sweetheart and every child
needs a mama who is a true sweet
heart. Wherever you are,
whatever you do… I pray the LORD
will be with you.