June 11, 2005
Blessing Husbands and
you know husbands & fathers who are so blessed by their wives
and families that they *look* blessed? And then, do you know
as though they aren't really blessed or recognized in love by
their wives and families?
Blessing Husbands and Fathers in the home...
This is what I want to share with you today.
all know that our husbands/fathers are human and as such, they
make mistakes, forget things, react
to situations differently than perhaps
ought... but no matter what they do or don't do, we are exhorted
in Scripture to honour them, to submit to them and to respect
some husbands/fathers are a bit easier to accommodate or bless
than others and some wives are a bit more in tune than others to
ways to bless and honour the husband/father in the home. I pray
that wherever you find yourself in this picture, that you will
use this Father's Day to bless and honour your husband... the
father in your home and to make it a turning point if you have
neglected this important area.
of the saddest and most hurtful things can think of is the
degradation and the condescension some wives display toward or
about their husbands. You know why this is so
damaging? Not only is it a violation
of Scripture, but also the children pick up
on it and then display some of the same rude or
dishonouring tendencies or behavior toward their fathers. It is
then a contradiction between what the Scriptures teach and what
is modeled for the children. It is a
contradiction for the role of the wife and mother as well.
Whereas she ought to be a living example of the Word, she is
for the Word by the way she is living. You may have seen this
and it may be or have been a part of your life and behaviour.
O, sister in the LORD, I pray that if this is a trap into which
you have fallen that you will seek the Face of the LORD and
will turn from those ways and that you will seek to live in a
manner holy and acceptable unto the LORD and to your husband.
Your children will follow the pattern you set in the home
concerning thoughts about and responses toward their father.
prompted me to write about this today? Well, many times, and
more recently, I have been in situations talking with women and
comments are made that at first appear to be spoken in jest but
then are seen for what they are: stinging barbs about or against
The snickering behind his back, the little comments may seem
harmless at the time, but they're really loaded with innuendo or
derogatory intent. These are the
comments that make the others in the group nervously chuckle and
if the husband is present, he may smile or
laugh... but on the inside he has been wounded once again.
These are the kinds of wounds that stay with a man... that wear
him down and
him withdraw. ((These are the very things that fuel snide
remarks some husbands make about their wives---those comments
a knife)) Additionally, these are often the comments that drain
the enthusiasm and life right out of him, rendering him
unresponsive---even ineffective. Sadly, then, the children seem
to take these comments as the cue that they can speak in the
same manner, further adding to the undermining of the father and
degradation of his leadership or authority in the home.
Proverbs 31.27 "She looketh well to the ways of her household,
and eateth not the bread of idleness."
society today seems to feed on this sort of behavior and even
capitalize on it in the media. As I understand it, the
"television fathers" are often characterized as spineless, even
ignorant or silly fools. The media
portrays our society as having no need of the traditional home
headed by a strong father. Women freely discuss the
shortcomings and their discontent with their husbands and
unashamedly share their husband's perceived inadequacies. What
a travesty...... but does it have to
be this way, or should it be this way in the Christian home?
By no means. In the Christian home,
there should be a marked difference in the way the father is
thought of, spoken about and
treated. There should be no putting down of the father, no
rolling of the eyes, no sarcasm or sighing or disgust at his
comments. These behaviours, which the
unsaved world employs, should never occur in the home where the
husband and father should be revered and highly esteemed and as
marriage is a picture of Christ and the church, no wife should
engage in this way of living.
Sadly, these behaviours *do* happen every day in Christian homes.
Sisters, do you know what I am talking
about? It's very grievous, isn't it!?
And it should be... I think
it's likely that we've all been
guilty of this at one time or another. I know I have and
perhaps that's why the LORD has
prompted me to write this today. Perhaps in the
ladies Bible study you have
shared---in the name of prayer---that you are married to a lousy
provider... a cheating husband... an inept father. Perhaps in a
group you have either intentionally or unintentionally put him
down... mocking his inability to get something
making a back handed comment about his inadequacies. Maybe you
have commented loudly that he never gets all his projects
never will... you know...
he is all of these things... maybe he isn't all you hoped he
would be... maybe he doesn't do what he says he will do... maybe
he never will get all those projects done-----------but, you
know... so what. So what. Are any
of those things more important than him-the person the LORD has
designed you to complete---your husband? What *is* important is
that you love him. What's important
is that you esteem and respect him. What's important is that
you demonstrate it to him. What's
important is that you show it around your children. What's
important is that you demonstrate that reverential love around
others. What's important is that you
learn to mean it with your whole heart.
Even if he never gets that shed cleaned out. Even if he
the yard in order or mows that lawn diagonally so it looks
better than neighbor Joe's. Even if he never says things the
way you think he should, or chews with his mouth closed,
or keeps his shirt tucked in right, or gets you the right
birthday presents or finishes household projects. Even if he
never makes you all the wooden goodies Mr. John Doe makes for
his wife, or never buys you surprise gifts.
Even if he never learns anything more about automobiles
than where to put the key to start them and where to put the gas
to keep them running. So what. What's
important is that you do what the LORD has designed you to do...
and let the LORD work on your husband's weak spots. I think we
have much to work on without overly concerning
with what they are or are not. There is an amazing thing that
wives can do and that is to love and support
and build up husbands, and what a joyful thing it is to
see the husband growing into the man God has designed him to be.
if you have been caught in the trap or habit of putting down
your husband, mocking his leadership, disobeying known desires,
disrespecting his words and views... rolling your eyes at his
latest idea... sighing at his most recent business plan... you
can turn. You can turn today. You can turn today and travel a
different path. You can turn today
and travel the path that God has designed for you.
have come to believe that the most important role we have as
parents is the role of helping and training our children to love
the LORD, to hear His voice, see His ways, know His
commands and obey Him
wholeheartedly. I am seeking more and more to learn how to help
them have a swift obedient response to His slightest
promptings. As a wife and mother, one way I am seeing this
accomplished is in the teaching of swift obedience to their
Daddy. When he asks them to do something, I want them
to immediately obey him, having their
hearts trained and focused on pleasing him each day. Now, this
is my desire and my goal... but what if I were to continually
roll my eyes when he was talking to me, or groaning at his
asking me to do this or that thing.
What if I were to say 'okay' to the request he was making on the
way out the door and then do the exact opposite when he drove
away down the lane? I'd be teaching
hypocrisy, and I'd be teaching deception to the children,
wouldn't I? My children would grow to be deceptive and if left
unchecked, this behaviour would permeate into other areas and
any respect the children may have had for their father would
likely erode away. What a shame this would
be. We learn much about this
in Proverbs... specifically, Proverbs 14.1 "Every wise woman
buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her
Sunday is Father's Day. The one day of the year designated to
honour Dad. Maybe it will be the day this
year that you designate to begin
change in your behavior and responses. O, I pray that you will
join me in renewing your desire to live in a manner pleasing to
LORD. That the husband/father the LORD has given you will be a
man who is highly esteemed and
honoured in his home... and for each one,
every day be Father's Day.
bless you as you endeavor to love and serve the LORD, our High
King of Heaven.
love, pamela spurling ~