Feminine Attire... Modesty
by pamela spurling
For many women, this is a settled issue and so what I will share
today will simply be reinforcement to that portion of the message of their
lives. For others, I know this is a sensitive subject and so I am praying
for sensitivity in sharing this message. I do not know many of you and many
of you are my friends for whom I care very much. I want you to know that I
desire only to share what the LORD has laid on my heart to share and not to
be a judge of others. I have been acutely aware in the last week that I
desperately need to put a guard on my mouth and carefully word my thoughts
so as to not offend or convey a message that is not at all what I mean to
convey. With this in mind, what follows are some thoughts on feminine dress
and modesty and its importance for the Christian woman. This will be the
second part of a message I wrote several weeks back concerning our appearance and our "message" to the watching world.
My prayer is that you could at anytime each day open
the door,
greet your family
or guests and say, "Welcome home!"
It seems there are a few "no trespassing" zones in our lives; zones we want
to keep personal or private and don't want others' opinions dictating our
actions. I understand this, and am sympathetic to this school of thought.
I used to reject teaching that was out of my comfort zone and I am still
that way, sometimes. Maybe you are the same way. It was not until I began
to pray and seek the LORD, that I felt open to suggestions in the area of
modesty and feminine dress. Additionally, it was about this time that I was
listening seriously to messages about men's thought lives and the effect
women have on men. This matter of dress has been difficult for me because
as I have shared with you in the past, I grew up in what I would, by
conservative Christian standards, now classify as a worldly home. There were no lines for modest dress or, rather they were drawn in such a
dramatically different place than I draw them today. Then, even though I
was saved, it would be many years before I would see a correlation between a
woman's dress or appearance and demonstrating reverence or obedience to the
LORD by dress and behavior. It would be even longer before I would decide
that there were some articles of clothing I could no longer wear and some
activities in which I would no longer participate. I read the Word over and
over studying different passages that reference woman's clothing.
Thankfully, there are women who have written on this subject and so I have
learned and benefited from them also. We have so much to learn from godly
women who have gone before us.
You know, that is all I hope to do... be a vessel the LORD can use for His
message. When we are prompted to do something like this, we can also expect
and accept the LORD's grace to help us obey Him.
"That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their
husbands, to love their children,
To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home,
good, obedient to their own husbands,
that the word of God be not
blasphemed."
Titus 2.4-5
So, why does the type of clothing we wear matter, and what is the purpose of
our dress? One of the chief reasons for proper attire is that the LORD would
be glorified in our choice of how we dress, that it would identify us (as
feminine), cover us, protect us, that we would not defraud others, that our
clothing would be appropriate to our work and that it would convey modesty
and discretion.
What does it mean to be discreet? In regards to the area of clothing, I
have asked this question many times and it is also the standard by which
lots of my decisions are made
is this discreet? In regards to attire, I
ask: does this piece of clothing look modest and discreet? Does it convey a
message of discreetness?
A younger woman who is a good friend to me wrote me recently with questions
regarding modest dress. I was so thankful for her candidness and her
request for mine in my answers. I know that there are many times in which I
allude to a matter without giving specific details---the reason for this is
because I so long to write to encourage you, but never want to dictate that
this or that way is the only correct way. However, one thing I do know, and
it is this: the matter of our dress and appearance *is* important to the
LORD. What we choose to wear matters. The first mention of the provision of
clothing is in Genesis 3.21 where we read, "Unto Adam also and to his wife
did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them." The word
"coats"
used here means to cover; a shirt, coat, garment, robe. This is part of the
fall, because in the last verse of the previous chapter, we read that
they (Adam & Eve) were both naked and were not ashamed. So, we have much to
learn by what is and what is not said. The lack of clothing is shameful.
And the LORD God Himself made clothing (coats of skins) for them. There is
much more to this and makes for an interesting study... perhaps you would
like to search this out.
So, we then must ask, does our clothing contradict our gender as God created
us (male and female), does it cover and protect us, does it tempt others'
eyes.... sexually or materially? Does it draw attention to our body? Does it
speak a different message than our words speak?
Another key is that a woman would dress in a manner as to please her husband
and reflect the glory of the LORD. Though the world will continually
bombard us with a different message, we know in the Bible the LORD teaches
us that "...the woman is the glory of the man." 1Corinthians 11.7 Does
this
enter into your decision making process as you select the clothing you will
wear?
You might ask your husband about men... about their thoughts and what
looking at a woman does to a man. What does looking at the bottom or front
of a woman conjure up in their minds... What do form fitting gowns do to a
man... what do men think of when following woman up a flight of stairs (or
stares ;-) ) what do shorts say... what do slits up a dress say... what
does sheer fabric say
what do words or symbols across the chest area of
a
tee-shirt say to a man... and finally, what type of clothing makes a man
want to treat a woman tenderly, thoughtfully, and respectfully?
We must all go sincerely and prayerfully before the LORD and before our
husbands and hear them. Really hear them. When a woman is convicted about
this area of clothing and modest apparel, many times husband's feel
threatened by a wife's sudden change in attire... they think it will change
their behavior... or limit their activities... I have found nothing
difficult about dresses... As a matter of fact, my husband treats me gently
because I wear a dress and I act discreetly because I wear a dress. It is so
interesting how the benefits slowly reveal themselves. We may miss so many
blessings and may not even realize we are squelching the LORD's work when we
try to dress in a manner that is contrary to His design---and it will be
particular to you---however He leads.
For me, my dresses are a daily reminder that my husband wears the pants in
our family and I am created and designed to be *his* help meet.... not the
other way around (though he demonstrates sacrificial care and treats me so
lovingly). I am continually seeking to wait on him and to not usurp his
authority, additionally, I am devoted to protecting my husband's reputation,
and so my appearance is important to what others think of him and his
family. This comes from Proverbs 31.11 and 23
Additionally, I have settled these thoughts... so when I get dressed daily,
I don't give my appearance another thought. This helps me not esteem myself
so highly that I constantly check my appearance and it also helps me to
remain settled in my thinking... I know that I do not have to apologize or
be ashamed of my appearance. I know that I may need to brush my hair or
freshen up, but I dont wonder if my dress is too short or too tight or too
thin or whatever. This is not at all said in pride or haughtiness. I have
never felt real pretty, but I sure wouldnt feel feminine in clothing I used
to wear. You know what I mean about being settled on an issue? Its an
issue you dont fret over
you dont constantly revise or rethink it.
Every
now and then, I get a glimpse of a dress I am wearing and I see it from an
angle I don't see at home and I see that it isn't quite right, and so I let
it go. For this reason, I found it very simple to let go of things I used to
consider appropriate. In all, I try to make or to choose pleasant looking
clothes that don't draw attention to myself and yet look feminine and
appropriate.
I glean from the Scriptures that a womans clothing must pertain
specifically to women... the test for me here is that it mustn't be
something my husband or one of our sons would wear. This analogy breaks down
a tiny bit in some areas, but even the cross over areas (turtlenecks, socks,
long underwear) can be of a distinguishably feminine nature. It oughtta be
just as ridiculous for me to grab something of my husband's or son's and
wear it, as it would be for one of them to grab something of mine and wear
it! But the lines have been blurred so much that we no longer think of men
s and womens wear as something to keep separate. We mock cross dressers,
don't we? We think it's disgusting behavior, don't we? The LORD says it is
an abomination (Deuteronomy 22.5 The woman shall not wear that which
pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all
that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.) Yeeouch
that is a
pretty strong statement, isnt it! I know it is an Old Testament passage,
and though we are not under the Law, and we know that this is not a
salvation issue, it is still a principle from the word from which we can
surely receive instruction.
In the New Testament we read:
In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel,
with shamefacedness and sobriety;
not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array
1 Timothy 2.9
What does our attire say? You know that when you seek out a restroom in a public place, for the most part you look for the symbol on the door
and what do you look for? You look for the dress on the door. You know
it means that that room is for the women only. This is what our clothing ought to say: this garment is for a woman only.
We know a lot about a person by the clothing they wear
just like the symbol on the door of the restroom denotes the gender it is meant for, uniforms are used to identify personnel in different types of jobs or
professions
clothing speaks volumes. In this next passage. the Bible speaks
plainly about attire that is inappropriate and we should take note. Proverbs
7:10, "And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and
subtle of heart. Her clothing makes an inappropriate, read:
sinful. She
promotes or suggests sinful activity and yet, have we not all at one time or
another worn clothing that solicits or advertises a false or defrauding
message? I know I look back on days when I wore things I cannot imagine
wearing today
and thought nothing of the little nothing I was wearing.
Oh, I am grieved today at the thought that I perhaps caused a brother to
stumble and worse that I hoped to be found attractive! What fruit have I
now in those things whereof I am now ashamed (Romans 6.21).
So then, think for a moment about messages clothes give
we all know it when
a woman who is wearing immodest or suggestive clothing walks into a room.
The eyes of all are on her
she may or may not acknowledge it, but she knows
it. And if we were sincere, we would all admit to liking the admiration of
others. But when that admiration causes a brother to stumble, it is wrong
and we must take responsibility for our actions and behavior that provokes
that response. Again, our attire must not provoke lust in a man. Men see
things differently than we do and what might not be offensive in our eyes is
probably provocative in a mans eyes.
Which leads me to this last thought
I am going to specifically touch on an
area that will really border on meddling
I wish only to offer insight here
and not criticism. This will generate reaction and yet, it is not intended
to be offensive. Could you stay with me a moment longer to hear this
When a woman walks into a room and she has on a pair of slacks or jeans,
have you ever noticed where the eyes are drawn? Yes, everyone does it
we
all look at where the zipper is and we all notice the shape under the back
pockets. The thinness of the trouser fabric also reveals another
provocative sight
and depending on the shape of the woman, the undergarment
is revealed. The pants that reveal no lines at all make a man wonder what
the woman does or doesnt have on. The pants that reveal sexy undergarments
make a mans mind go wild. The pants that reveal the shape of the private
area makes a man imagine things he ought not. Jeans are no exception
in
fact, jeans frequently are more suggestive than a woman may like to imagine.
There will always be arguments to the discussion of masculine and feminine attire
. A man may say he likes to show off his wife
well, whatever
he is admiring in his wife, he can bet all the other men are admiring it, too. This is the lust of the eyes the LORD warns against. Do we dress to entice a man? We mustnt and if we have done this intentionally, we must turn from
that way and walk in the ways of the LORD. Modesty is too important to just
ignore or overlook. We must think on these things because the LORD directs
us to in the written Word.
Knowing that mens eyes are attracted to any curves of a womans body and
when the curves are accentuated and the eyes are drawn there, this must
prompt the godly woman to avoid this trapping! Even if the pants are said
to be loose and not form fitting, they still accentuate the womanly form
the gift that should be reserved and preserved for one man only
and for his
eyes only.
"But let it
be the hidden man of the heart, in that
which is not corruptible,
even the ornament of a meek and
quiet spirit, which is in the
sight of God of great price."
1 Peter 3.4
For him whose heart safely trusts in her
.. she is wise who knows that the
price of a virtuous woman is far above rubies.
May the LORD bless you in your endeavor to love and serve Him and may He
give you the grace to obey Him.
© pamela spurling ~ The Welcome Home ~ 2000
http://www.achristianhome.org