By: Norma Daulton

Today the woman's biblical role within the family and church is a much-debated issue with many non-biblical views and opinions. One view declares that being a wife in the traditional and biblical sense degrades a woman to an inferior position. The teaching in Proverbs 31 is considered by many women (and men) to be archaic, impractical and out of step with the modern day version of a Christian Woman. Who is right? Man's opinion or the biblical description of the Virtuous Woman? What was the Creator's original design for wives?

The Creator tells us in Genesis 2:18 what the primary role of the woman is to be. In the King James Version of the Bible we read: "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." In the Amplified version it says: "Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet (suitable, capable, complementary) for him."

The King James Version says that Eve was Adam's *help meet* while the Amplified version calls her a *helper meet*. In both translations we see that the original design of the Creator for the wife is to be a HELPER to her husband.

This word HELPER means one who is sent to under gird, support, complement and aid another. It is important to note that if God says you are to be a helper it must be reasonable to assume that the Creator knew the man would need help. From the beginning, God knew that man alone was incomplete in his abilities to parent and raise a family. He needed the help of another so that he could reproduce and ultimately fulfill all his responsibilities within the family. Woman was created to be his perfect helper; to fulfill a special design that only she could accomplish. God created the woman with unique emotional, intellectual, and physical abilities to enable her to complete her husband.

Does our role as a helper imply that God put the woman in an inferior or second-class position in the marriage relationship? Not at all! Let's look at the role of a "Helper" from the perspective of the teaching of the Savior concerning the role of the Holy Spirit as our Helper. "And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; 17. Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.18. I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. John 14:16. See also Psalm 54:4.

The Savior knew alone we would fail to be all we (both man and woman) have been created to be, and do so when He had finished his earthly mission, Messiah sent back His Father's Spirit (HELPER) to abide with us and in us to help us live a victorious life. By no stretch of the imagination would we consider the heavenly Father inferior because He is our Helper. Neither should the woman consider her role as a Helper to her husband an inferior position. If a man is to fulfill God's mandate to tend, guard, and care for the earth, his family, and the church, he needs a Helper.

If you have not seen your role of a Helper to your husband in this way, let me encourage you today to begin seeing your role as one who has come along side your husband to work with him to meet the needs of your family and fulfill each of your divine roles. View your marriage as a team effort... each member on the team having a vital part to play in the divine plan of God.

Solomon said "Two are better than one...woe to him who is alone" (Ecc. 4:9.10).

Teamwork is what makes a heavenly marriage on earth. God didn't create Eve better than Adam nor did he make her to be inferior to him, but one equal to him. You dear precious lady are the counterpart of the other side of a matched pair. You were created to be the perfect complement of your husband.

When a young couple is married the woman has to find out what her husband likes to eat, the clothes he prefers; what his hobbies are, his interest... sports, books, music. When you discover what pleases your husband it will be in your heart to do those things that please him. Don't assume as some do that because you have been married 10-20 years that you know all about your husband. I am still learning new things about my husband. Also each of us change over the years, so what may have been important in the early years of our marriage may not be of prime importance later on.

To fulfill God's original design as a wife will require understanding where and how we can become a complement (a perfect match---like a pair of gloves or a comfortable pair of shoes---hands and feet) to our husband. To do this, we must find where and how our husband needs help and support. Finding the areas where our husband needs support is fundamental to our experiencing the satisfaction of being a Helper. For each of us the need will be different and vary from day to day. To be a capable Helper that complements our husband will require prayer, wisdom, discernment, and the leading of the Holy Spirit.

All of us will agree (I hope) that our first call as Helper is in caring for the home and children---cleaning, cooking, shopping, teaching the children, but there may be other areas where your husband could use your help. You might begin by asking yourself: "Where does my husband need spiritual encouragement?" Is he having some personal struggle in his life that you might need to listen and encourage him in? Could he use encouragement and counsel concerning his job or business related issues? Is your husband in need of help with organization of the work around the home? Since you spend the most time in the home you may have some insight as to tasks that need to be done; tasks that you may be able to help with. Ask your husband to discuss his goals for work around the home and ways you may help him accomplish these goals.

Clemul and I have different gifts and talents, which in most cases, have proven to be assets. During the years when we had our church, in addition to my household task and the Women's Ministry I was involved with, I was also his secretary---handling most of the correspondence, bookkeeping, and editing our publications.

During those early years of ministry Clemul worked a full job in addition to being a Pastor so he often had me run errands ---getting prices, checking out places to buy equipment, building materials and making tons of phones calls. After working sometimes 10-12 hours a day 6 days a week and still having to prepare sermons and minister to our little flock, do maintenance (we had no caretaker) on the church and still take care of our home and grounds, he simply did not have time to do everything that needed to be done. He needed my help and that of others who were able to volunteer a few hours at the church from time to time.

The Scripture asks the question "Who can find a virtuous woman?" Then declares, "For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safety trusts her." (Prov. 31:10,11). The word virtuous means one who possesses strength and substance. As you read the rest of Proverbs 31 you discover the characteristics that made her a woman of strength and substance and how these actions greatly affected her marriage. King Lemuel's mother describes for him the kind of woman he should seek to make his wife and queen, a woman worth more than the King's jewels (rubies). Well should each mother advise her sons to marry a woman of virtuous and great worth to him.

The woman who is far above rubies is worth a great deal to a man. There is no way the husband could pay for the kind of services described in Proverbs 31. Think of the incredible expense! A virtuous woman who lives according to the guidelines of Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 is far above the position of a paid employee. A noble and wise woman is worth more than a man's paycheck could sustain! Imagine trying to pay an employee to cook, wash, iron, and clean house, manage the household accounts, shop, and care for the many needs of the children. And yet, this is what a faithful Proverbs 31 woman does. And then, at the end of a long day she opens her arms, her heart, and her body in total surrender to her husband in submissive love.

No wonder the Bible says you dear precious lady are worth more than rubies. The heavenly Father counts you above all the gems He created and while your daily tasks may make for a long day, Father created you, equipped you and made you capable of being an efficient Helper. Your role as Help Mate precious ladies is one of great worth. Never let any one tell you that you can only find satisfaction in a job outside the home---if you and your husband have agreed for you to work outside the home that is fine, but never despise the Divine Role you were created to fulfill.

The strength, energy and stamina of being a virtuous wife will be revealed in our character as well as in the services we render in the home and the church. We are each striving daily to be competent and industrious in the affairs of our home so that our husbands may safely trust in us and in our decisions. Our daily actions as the Helper in the home reveal godly wisdom and true kindness shines through all the choices that are made each day. The deeds of a noble and wise woman will ultimately gain the praise of her husband and children. That is what each of us is seeking---to be a noble and wise woman.

How do we attain to godly wisdom, character and strength? The answer is found at the end of Proverbs 31: "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised" (Prov. 31:30). This strength of character comes from personal reverence and fear of God. The fear of God is a necessary attitude required for any woman to have the strength of character that will enable her to lead a life pleasing to God. The fear of the Lord is what motivates us to "hate evil" and "perfect holiness" in our personal lives (Prov. 8:13) (2 Cor. 7:1).

If we want to become virtuous wives we must first surrender our lives to the Savior and ask Him to fill us with the same reverent attitude toward Father that He taught us when HE walked the earth. As we pursue God by seeking Him daily in His Word and petitioning Him for true holiness of heart we too will have the strength of character and change of heart that will instill the virtues of a Proverbs Virtuous Woman in us.



Read: Titus 3; 1 Peter 3; Proverbs 31; 1 Corinthians 11:1-16

***She is at peace with God, herself and others.
***She is surrendered to Jesus as her Spiritual Head and her husband as head of the family.
***She has a meek and quiet spirit.
***She has a servant's heart.
***She does not call attention to her physical beauty.
***She considers homemaking a high and noble call.
***She is a joyful person.
***She is a woman of prayer.
***She has learned the secret of Isaiah 26:3. "Thou wilt keep him/her in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee because she trusted in him."


Long before the earth was created and filled with water, air, light, food and plants, and animals, Yahweh God selected you and your husband to be partners for life.

And you dear precious lady were hand picked by the heavenly Father to be the exact Helpmate---wife, lover and best friend for your husband. Of all the lovely women in the world God chose you and gave you as a gift to your husband to tend, guard and care for you and you to be his Helpmate.

Excerpts from: A Woman of Value Ezine Digest #5, Oct 1, 2002




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