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Two Shall Become One
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Resting in the Lord - Jennifers Story
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- Can God find husbands for our daughters? This question was
addressed to us at a home-schooling meeting in which the topic of my newly begun courtship
had been brought up. And yet, this is a question for many. What is the biblical standard
for our children in finding marriage
partners? Is what the world has to offer in the modern dating scene our only choice, or is
there a better way? Does Gods Word have anything to say about the issue?
- From the time I was very young my parents were praying for my
future spouse. Many nights I can remember awakening to the sight of my Father kneeling
beside my bed in prayer for me; for my walk with the Lord and Gods leading for my
life. These sights make a deep impression on a little girls heart. As I grew up,
there was an understanding that when it came time for me to date, that the prospective
young man had to interview with my father first. The closer I got to this age
the more serious this became. But, is that the extent of interaction a father should have
in a situation as this? What was the proper way? Throughout the years the principles of
courtship were brought home to our hearts through various different resources. My parents
in their godly desire to protect me from the deadly temptations of the world sought for a
better way. They did not want me to be subjected to the extreme pressures and snares that
dating can bring. In addition to this- does a godly woman who desires to trust God with
her very life need to be out looking for a spouse or can God providentially,
sovereignly direct in bringing her a husband?
- I desired this protection from my parents and earnestly longed to
keep my heart pure for that one for whom God was preparing me. With this as our desire, my
father and I signed a covenant the summer of 1992. My father committing to protect me from
unqualified young men and I in response desiring to follow the Lord under His authority in
this area of courtship. These convictions had been forming for quite a while and were to
continue to deepen.
- During the next couple of years outwardly it seemed as though there
was not much happening in regard to this area. In fact, when I looked around, the
possibilities for a husband seemed to be very few and there were many times that I was
tempted to distrust and despair. Yet, I knew that this was the right path and I could
trust in my Heavenly Father. Indeed, unknown to us, God was at work in a mighty way. For
God was in a marvelous way bringing His perfect will to pass. Miles away in a town in
North Carolina there was a young man who also earnestly desired the Lords direction
in the area of marriage. Steven had tried the modern dating practice, only to find it full
of disappointments and vanity. In his heart he yearned for a better way. There must
be a father somewhere desiring to protect his daughter, was the thought of his
heart. He prayerfully sought the Lord for direction in his life.
- Meanwhile, unknown to Steven, a close friend of his also looking
for a spouse had heard of our
family through two different
sources over a period of a couple of years. This friend decided to write my father to
request permission to correspond with me with the intent of marriage. Knowing the
importance of such a decision, my father requested that he might get to know this young
man better via correspondence. This eventually led to a visit to Texas on His part and
several personal meetings. All of this was unknown to me. When Steven found out about it
and that his friend was corresponding with a father regarding his daughter, his heart was
overjoyed, as he saw indeed there was another way. Throughout the course of the time my
parents spent with the would-be courter, it was determined that there was not that fitness
between the young man and I that was so essential in a marriage. This young man earnestly
desired my best and the Lords will. He very graciously understood my parents
decision in not allowing us to meet. In fact, while he was in Texas, the Lord was
impressing upon his heart the tremendous like-mindedness between our
family and Steven. He went
home with a burden upon his heart for his friend to inquire unto my father.
- I will never forget the night in which my parents told me of the
courtship inquiry of this first young man. How my heart was filled with excitement at the
thought of the Lord bringing forth someone I had never even met from halfway across the
country, to inquire about me. And even though it had not worked out with this particular
young man, I knew God could and would work if it was His good pleasure concerning me. I
knew there was a possibility of another inquiry from this young mans friend, but
greatly desired my heart to be at rest with the Lords will. I waited patiently for
His timing and remained patiently sleeping in this area, until He was pleased to awaken
me. It was truly my desire to remain as neutral as possible that I might keep my heart
only for that one that the Lord had for me.
- Stevens friend did return home and came to him strongly
urging him to write to my family. After much prayer and contemplation, he did indeed
inquire of my father regarding courtship, trusting his steps unto the Lord. Upon receiving
the letter, my parents sent him a response consisting of about 25 questions concerning
himself, his beliefs and walk with the Lord. These were questions that my parents and I
had sat down and composed due to the seriousness of these steps. They were very serious
and weighty questions and I knew that they could possibly scare him away, yet, this was of
such great importance that they were altogether necessary. For how can two walk together
except they agree? I also could be assured that if this was the one that the Lord had for
me, He would give him the diligence to persevere. Again, during this waiting period was a
time in which I needed to lay my heart before the Lord, knowing that He was indeed in
control. It was an exciting time and yet I wanted to rest in His will.
- Steven responded with a 90 minute audio tape, which my parents
listened to. I did not listen to it, (although my parents shared his responses with me)
due to the desire to remain unattached, for even with the hearing of a voice
the heart can go out. To my great surprise, my parents were very encouraged with his
responses. My Father then called Steven and spoke with him by phone for 2 hours. At this
point the groundwork was nearly laid and my parents felt as though they knew him. They
invited him to come to Texas to personally meet them and if all went well, to meet me.
Steven had just taken time off work and did not know if he could come until fall. (This
was June!) But, it was left that he would see what he could work out. This also was a time
of soul searching for Steven as this was a setting of his feet on a path in a more
committed way than a dating scenario. For the next few weeks correspondence was exchanged
between my parents and Steven. My mother wrote a long letter to him from a mothers
heart, she said. In the letter she shared with Steven about me, my likes, dislikes,
hobbies, interests and those things that were dear and important to my heart. And so, even
though we were not having direct communication we were learning more about each other
every day through the correspondence he and my parents were having.
- One evening in June, Steven called my parents to say that the way
had opened up for him to come two weeks from that evening. We were all delighted and
eagerly looked forward to the day. The arrangement was that my parents would pick Steven
up at the airport and spend a few hours with him. If all went well, they were planning on
bringing him home for dinner which my sister and I were to prepare. In my heart, I still
knew that it would have to be the Lord for it to all work out and so I really desired to
remain neutral. I knew that my parents desired the very best for me, and wanted to protect
me. They knew me better than anyone else and what I needed and desired in a husband, and
so I knew I could rest in their wisdom. For had not they diligently, and lovingly raised
me, caring for me like no other could?
- My mother called from a pay phone from the restaurant where they
were. Oh, how excited she was! She said that from the moment Steven got off the plane,
they could see our tremendous like-mindness and fitness, and that they were bringing him
home. I knew this was not a light step for my parents, whose desire was to protect me, and
so their thoughts and decisions held great weight for me. It was at this point that the
flood of reality began to set in. I was soon to be meeting a man who might very well be my
future husband. I nervously set about finishing preparations for their arrival, stirring
the spaghetti and watching timidly out the window...As they drove up, the significance of
this was laid upon Stevens heart as well, for Could this be his wife that he
was about to meet?
- The first thing I noticed as they stepped out of the car, was
Stevens big smile. I timidly and very nervously went out to greet them. My little
brother had already run ahead and made himself quite comfortable with the situation. As I
walked outside, my father introduced me to Steven and Steven to me. I responded with a
quiet how do you do, and then hastened back to stirring my spaghetti. As I
finished dinner preparations, I noticed my little brother had immediately claimed his
place upon the lap of my inquirer and was enjoying hearing the story Steven had started to
read him.
- Throughout the evening, my nervousness began to abate and we had a
pleasant time as a family together. We ate dinner, took a family walk, and ended our
evening with family worship. The next day (Saturday) was again spent as a family getting
to know Steven. But it was on the Lords Day, as again we were as a family, that we
saw more fully our like-mindedness. As we would each share what was dear to the others'
heart, it became very apparent how fitted we were each to the other. Steven was to fly
home that Monday. So, on Monday morning my father and Steven had a meeting together. These
Monday morning meetings were to become a regular part of our courtship and hold a special
place in the hearts of my father and Steven. Before their meeting, though, my father asked
me privately if I would like him to give Steven permission to begin courting me. I told
him that I felt that that would be fine. Before Steven left that afternoon, we both had
about an hour together outside (under the full view of all ), during which we spoke on
some areas that were each very important to us. As Steven left that day, we both were
overwhelmed and full of wonder. We had fast become friends, and parting was difficult. In
my heart I was filled with awe. It was apparent that the Lord was doing something. And
yet, I wanted to be sure I was following the Lords will and not my own.
- Steven began writing and calling often after that. In our first
conversation, via the telephone, we both agreed that our desire was that our courtship
would be based upon the things of the Lord and not of the flesh. We desired our
relationship to be spiritual first and not solely emotional attraction. For the feelings
often come and go, but the things of the Spirit are lasting and the sure foundation. We
knew that our question needed to be, Could we serve God better together than apart?
And so therefore, much of our conversation centered around the spiritual, and in this way
we were able to see the heart of the other.
- Those next few months were full of much prayer for direction and
leading. Having never been through the courtship process before, we had many questions as
we went along as to the next step, but the Lord faithfully led us. What a
blessing it was to be under my parents and to see Stevens desire to be under them as
well. How thankful we were to be able to ask of them and rest in their wisdom and
direction. Those courtship days will always be sweet to our memory. Because of the
emphasis on the family in the courtship process, my family grew to love Steven as one of
them. When the phone would ring, everyone wanted to be the first to talk to Steven before
me. :-) It was a blessing to see their delight in my courter. We spent many, many
hours on the phone together, and then I would delightfully share with my family (who were
eagerly waiting) of our conversation. Steven came for weekend visits frequently, as well.
- We all knew the importance of not being unchaperoned, in our desire
for a relationship of purity. My family greatly enjoyed serving us during that time, and
accommodating our courtship in this way. For example: a picnic on the lawn and a
candlelight dinner for two, complete with corsage, boutonniere, and a personal waiter (my
father). Those were indeed special times as my whole family, and Steven and I enjoyed Gods
working in our lives. For me, it was a very searching and sobering time as well.
Entreating the Lord, that His will and not mine be done. Throughout the time
of courtship, the Lord made it increasingly clear that He had brought us together. He who
brought Eve to Adam, had indeed seen fit to place us here together, to walk hand in hand
in this earthly pilgrimage.
- On November 21, 1994 Steven proposed to me, after consulting with
my father. What a blessed time that was, as we confirmed before each other that the Lord
had brought us together. Both families were overjoyed. We were married before the Lord and
a wonderful company of family and friends on April 28, 1995. It was a wonderful time of
rejoicing.
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We will soon be celebrating our 1 year
anniversary. We can look back on the first year of our marriage as a time of great
kindness from our God. What sweet fellowship we have been able to have one with the other.
There have been trials, as in every marriage, but, our God is faithful and has abounded to
us in a blessed way. Being married to your best friend is a delight and joy. We desire to
have our Saviour at the center of our lives. We each know that the other is but an earthly
comfort. And we seek to walk with our eyes toward eternity, knowing that one day we will
be called to part in this life and meet with our eternal bridegroom, the Lord Jesus
Christ. He is our true Beloved and Friend. ~*~
- - Jennifer Moline Ervin
- Printed here with permission from Jennifer Ervin
- Please visit her parent's outstanding website:
Sower's
Seed Christian Reprints
http://members.aol.com/SowersSeed/
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