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Idealistic or faithful?
I was rejoicing in my friend’s engagement. She
was sharing her dreams of the future with me and
showing me her hope chest. She was very much in
love with her fiancé and had everything planned
to perfection. We discussed her wedding plans,
and our views and ideals on marriage itself. One
of the questions that came up was if she would
continue to work once the children came, and the
appropriation of funds coming into the marriage.
I was delighted to hear that my friend intended
to be a stay at home mother once the children
were born.
Prior to that, they were going to have his money
and her money in separate accounts with her
keeping a secret account for provision for
herself in case of marital problems
necessitating her setting up a home for herself
and the children. I expressed my concern that
she should see this as a necessary step when
entering into marriage. She responded with
saying that one never knew what the future would
hold and it was unrealistic to believe that just
because she was married, there would be a
guarantee of happiness. She intended to be
prepared for any event that should arise. I told
her that it was foolhardy to enter marriage- (a
Christian marriage at that) with one eye on the
altar and the other on the divorce court.
I commented that it seemed to me to be a failing
of trust on her part and also that it was in
fact laying a foundation of mistrust and deceit
in her marriage rightfrom the beginning. Her
retort was that I was just being idealistic and
that being left without financial security in
the event of a marriage failure was not on her
agenda. She could not see my point of view so I
let it drop- God would have to deal with her
heart. I felt saddened by her cynical attitude.
To enter marriage with the view that it may very
well end in divorce is a tragic view and a
distortion of the covenantal view that Christ
has for marriage.
Marriage is to be built on trust. If there are
problems, then they should be worked through.
The marriage is already failed in the context of
trust if one of the parties has a parachute to
use to bail out with when or if the going gets
tough. The area of trust has been compromised
already by my friend keeping her account secret-
she has allowed doubt and deceit to cloud her
mind. One cannot enter a covenant with lies and
doubts and plans for self preservation instead
of trust in God. Not in a Christian marriage.
The whole concept of marriage is built on trust
and accountability to each other. I do not think
it is idealistic or unrealistic. I think it is a
basic principle of marriage that cannot be
compromised.
Issues of doubt and fear should be ironed out
long before the nuptials. For to be
double-minded about your commitment in your
marriage is to invite trouble and failure. The
heart of the faithful is strong- but where there
is any weakness in either spouse’s commitment
there will be not only lack of trust but lack of
blessing. My prayer is that the LORD will speak
to my friend’s heart and give her the commitment
and confidence that are hers as she trusts Him
and her husband to build and bless their
marriage. But first she must let go of the
parachute and show herself faithful. Happiness
can come only through true commitment and
faith.
Glenys Robyn Hicks
“If
any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that
giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth
not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask
in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth
is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind
and tossed. For let not that man think that he
shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double
minded man [is] unstable in all his ways.”
James 1:5-8 |
