Calling all gossips.....
When
my children were young we lived amongst a
lot of families where we women were all
having children or raising children. In the
era before every household had 2 cars, we
walked our older children to kindergarten or
school together, pushing our young ones in
prams or strollers. In fact, we called
ourselves the “Pram Brigade!”
We
looked forward to coming together twice a
day to swap mothering tips, discuss
household management, recipes and
childbearing. High up on this list too were
infant welfare visits, vaccinations and
Baby’s latest milestone. This was the
highlight of our day. And it was good.
But as
often happens when women meet together
regularly, a gradual overlapping of the
boundaries of friendship and discretion
slowly overtook us. A few mothers started
gossiping about a neighbour who was not with
us on a particular morning. Each woman tried
to outdo the previous gossiper with another
tidbit of “news” until the poor woman who
was the unwilling topic of conversation had
been badmouthed into a corner from which
there was no escape.
I too
was guilty of listening, for the morsels of
gossip were indeed interesting- I let them
slide down my throat easily, relishing the
details which seemed to whet our appetites
for more. By the time we reached the
kindergarten, this woman’s housekeeping
ability, mothering, integrity, morality and
even marriage had come under some very
expert dissection. We had not only gone
through her home and family but had even
figuratively been so bold as to enter the
marital bed, discussing things that were a
matter only between our friend and her
husband.
Suddenly by lunchtime, my absent friend of
the morning had become a stranger- a sad
figure who obviously had no redeeming points
in her life and who was in fact, a person to
avoid like the plague. Furthermore, I was
suffering from a bad case of indigestion,
with the morsels of gossip stuck in my chest
accompanied by a vague sense of sadness and
guilt. Not yet a Christian, I never thought
to pray, but a sense of injustice towards my
friend who was the victim of a character
assassination was developing, and I found
myself grieving for her and our lost
friendship.
Women
can be the cattiest creatures alive. Just a
few words can set a bushfire blazing with
horrendous results. For the friend who was
the victim of this gossiping session,
obviously felt something was different the
next morning when she took her children to
school with us. And there was indeed
something different. A bushfire had erupted
and there was no putting out its flames!
Each
of us had suffered not only a bad case of
indigestion overnight, mulling over lumps of
gossip, but those things which were shared
had managed to force a wedge between us and
this woman. We felt such guilt that we felt
uncomfortable with her and she could sense
this. Some women tried to compensate by
being over friendly and we all came across
as false. Gradually to the increased
discomfort of our maligned friend, we became
less verbiose, and our wicked loose tongues
at last ran out of things to say.
So
when at the end of the week our friend
announced she was taking her husband to work
each morning and then driving the children
to school, we all felt that now familiar
pang of guilt and regret. We all knew we did
not deserve to call ourselves her friend
after that morning. And we never did recover
her friendship.
The
Morning Of The Gossip heralded the demise of
other close friendships too. For each of us
in our hearts knew that when women start
gossiping you could very well be the next
object of interest. Gradually the morning
conversations became more formal, with no
one ready to be open about anything that was
precious to us. Our sense of camaraderie
slowly evaporated. And the walks seemed to
take forever.
30
years down the track, a lot of water has
passed under the bridge. I have become a
Christian and have learnt the Truth- that
God hates gossip and maligning another
person. I have repented and try hard not to
gossip or listen to it. Whenever I think of
my former friend, I wonder where she is and
how she is. I wonder how her children turned
out and if her marriage survived. I wonder
if she overcame her weaknesses and if she
regained her health.
And I
pray for her. I pray that she reached out to
God and found Him. I pray that she has found
some true friends that have come alongside
her and really supported her. I pray for my
other former friends too, that they may have
not only taken some antacid for their
indigestion that day, but realised the cause
of it. I pray that God has taken each one of
us through this sad time and taught us the
lesson of a loose tongue. And I pray that He
in His mercy, stamped out the fire we
created and sheltered that needy woman from
its flames.
I pray
that God will see my tears as I write this:
tears of sorrow and warning for those of us
compelled to speak things of others that we
should not. Let my tears help put out the
fires of yesterday and bring healing to my
friend.
©
Glenys Robyn Hicks
James
3:1-6 My brethren, be not many masters,
knowing that we shall receive the greater
condemnation. For in many things we offend
all. If any man offend not in word, the same
[is] a perfect man, [and] able also to
bridle the whole body. Behold, we put bits
in the horses’ mouths, that they may obey
us; and we turn about their whole body.
Behold also the ships, which though [they
be] so great, and [are] driven of fierce
winds, yet are they turned abouth with a
very small helm, whithersoever the governor
listeth. Even so the tongue is a little
member, and boasteth great things. Behold,
how great a matter a little fire kindleth!
And the tongue [is] a fire, a world of
iniquity: so is the tongue among our
members, that it defileth the whole body,
and setteth on fire the course of nature;
and it is set on fire of hell.