pain from the past
there's hope and healing for
 Childhood Sexual Abuse
also, another page: CSA No More Secrets

Sexual abuse, molestation, inappropriate touching and the use of fear tactics to prevent the revelation of the abuse and then shame.  These are some of the many things many women live with today.  Not that these things are presently occurring, but occurred in childhood or later and continue to play in the theatre of the mind.  This is the grim result of the heinous atrocity of child-sexual-abuse ―usually by a father or step-father, a trusted family member or friend of the family.  The incidents of inappropriate touching or sexual abuse are staggering.  But given the moral decline of society and the sin nature of man (kind) it is actually not surprising ― sickening, but not surprising.

I am a not "victim" ― but a survivor ― of childhood sexual abuse.  My abuser was my legal father: the man who battled for, and won, my legal adoption as his daughter after he and my mother married when I was seven years old .  My own father could not fight in the courts or contest such a powerful and persuasive man with powerful or well paid attorneys. 

Though charming and charismatic in personality, I'm sure no one thought of him as a would be child molester or sexual deviant and certainly not involving a child he sought to father or raise up as his own child.   So it happens.  So it happened to me.  Big deal... forget about it... move on.  That's what he hoped would happen, I'm sure.  And for many years he did just that.  But I did not.  I did not move on and did not forget.  Not then, not today. And I will never forget what happened.  But I am moving on.  In the grace and enabling of the LORD, my Saviour, I am moving on... decision by decision, I am moving on.  But I am doing so with the painful reminders ― not so much daily anymore, but often recalling the events that would haunt me for years ― for decades ― events that were part of shaping who I am and how I respond to people and situations. 

For years, I dealt with the shame of sexual abuse.  I say, shame, because that's often how a sexual-abuse victim sees the past situation.  It's a shameful memory and what a woman must learn to do is turn that shame and pain into faith and trust in the LORD ―that what happened was not the fault of or at the prompting of the child.

Often my little-girl self and my woman self are in conflict.  I can't seem to make sense of situations I face and I react in ways sometimes that surprise me.  Doubt, fear, rage, shame, paranoia, nervousness, mistrust... all of these have some origin in those painful experiences of sexual abuse.  The LORD sees all these things today ― He saw the events of childhood and He, for whatever reason, allowed them to happen ― He could have prevented them, but He, in His great wisdom and mercy, allowed them to happen.  And so, what now?  Well, the what now is likely going to unfold for the rest of my life.  But part of the what now? is talking about the past, writing about it and sharing it with others.  I will no longer be quiet to protect my abuser.  My abuser is an old man now and he is where he is today because I never told on him to anyone but my mother.  No longer will I worry about what he will do to me.  The LORD is my Saviour and this man needs salvation in Jesus.  He will remain lost in his sin and go to hell if he doesn't repent.  That is not my hope or wish for him.

I am not necessarily endorsing women going out and publicly exposing and shaming their abuser.  I'm not advocating launching an attack or a campaign against the abuser.  What I am advocating is the coming out of hiding, the revealing the secrets and exposing the shameful conduct, acts and activities of the abuser.  It's not the victim who needs to carry the burden, it's the abuser that's responsible for the crime against that little girl.  The little girl needs help and the abuser needs help.  Both need the healing and comfort of the LORD Jesus.

and this is my own story
(it's long, very long; it's personal, very personal; it's graphic, very graphic; it's my story.)

and a few of my own articles
Originally posted at The Welcome Home Blog

CSA = Tell Someone!   ♥ It's Not Our Little Secret 
Let's Pretend
   ♥ No More Secrets  
A Co-Incident   ♥ So, Why Does Stuff Happen?
CSA Fallout  ♥  I've never Told Anyone This Before


A Quiet Shame 
(this is not a "Christian" site but has helpful
information  --- just be discerning)
links and articles dealing
with sexual abuse

Safe Place Ministries
Childhood Sexual Abuse

Shepherd's Heart
childhood sexualabuse

Haven of Hope Christian Ministries

Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivor Network
(another non "Christian" site but also has  helpful information - be discerning)

More links...

Books to help you

  • Helping Victims of Sexual Abuse:
    A Sensitive, Biblical Guide for Counselors, Victims and Families --by Lynn Heitritter, Jeanette Vought
  • Door Of Hope Recognizing And Resolving The Pains Of Your Past 
    by Jan Frank
  • On the Threshold of Hope: Opening the Door to Hope and Healing for Survivors of Sexual Abuse
    by Diane Mandt-Langberg
  • Wounded Heart: A Companion Workbook for Personal or Group Use by Dan B. Allender
  • The Healing Path: How the Hurts in Your Past Can Lead You to a More Abundant Life
    by Dan B. Allender
  • Into Abba's Arms
    by Sandra D. Wilson, Larry Crabb  (I don't ordinarily endorse Larry Crabb)

The above books can be purchased from CBD or  Amazon