pain from the past
there's hope and healing for
Childhood Sexual Abuse
also, another page: CSA
No More Secrets |
Sexual abuse, molestation, inappropriate touching
and the use of fear tactics to prevent the revelation of the
abuse and then shame. These are some of the many things many women live with today.
Not that these things are presently occurring, but occurred in
childhood or later and continue to play in the theatre of the mind.
This is the grim result of the heinous atrocity of
child-sexual-abuse ―usually by
a father or step-father, a
trusted family member or friend of the family. The incidents
of inappropriate touching or sexual abuse are staggering. But
given the moral decline of society and the sin nature of man (kind)
it is actually not surprising ―
sickening, but not surprising.
I am a not "victim"
― but a survivor ― of
childhood sexual abuse. My abuser was my legal father: the
man who battled for, and won, my legal adoption as his daughter after he and my
mother married when I was seven years old . My own father could not fight
in the courts or
contest such a powerful and persuasive man with powerful or well
paid attorneys.
Though charming
and charismatic in personality, I'm sure no one thought of him as a
would be child molester or sexual deviant and certainly not
involving a child he sought to father or raise up as his own child.
So it happens. So it happened to me. Big deal... forget
about it... move on. That's what he hoped would happen, I'm
sure. And for many years he did just that. But I did
not. I did not move on and did not forget. Not then, not
today. And I will never forget what happened. But I am moving
on. In the grace and enabling of the LORD, my Saviour, I am
moving on... decision by decision, I am moving on. But I am doing so with the painful reminders
― not so much daily anymore, but often
recalling the events that would haunt me for years ― for decades ―
events that were part of shaping who I am and how I respond to
people and situations.
For years, I dealt
with the shame of sexual abuse. I say, shame, because that's
often how a sexual-abuse victim sees the past situation. It's
a shameful memory and what a woman must learn to do is turn that
shame and pain into faith and trust in the LORD ―that what happened
was not the fault of or at the prompting of the child.
Often my little-girl
self and my woman self are in conflict. I can't seem to make
sense of situations I face and I react in ways sometimes that
surprise me. Doubt, fear, rage, shame, paranoia, nervousness,
mistrust... all of these have some origin in those painful
experiences of sexual abuse. The LORD sees all these things
today ― He saw the events of childhood and He, for whatever reason,
allowed them to happen ― He could have prevented them, but He, in
His great wisdom and mercy, allowed them to happen. And so,
what now? Well, the what now is likely going to unfold for the
rest of my life. But part of the what now? is talking about
the past, writing about it and sharing it with others. I will
no longer be quiet to protect my abuser. My abuser is an old
man now and he is where he is today because I never told on him to
anyone but my mother. No longer will I worry about what he
will do to me. The LORD is my Saviour and this man needs
salvation in Jesus. He will remain lost in his sin and go to
hell if he doesn't repent. That is not my hope or wish for
him.
I am not
necessarily endorsing women going out and publicly exposing and
shaming their abuser. I'm not advocating launching an attack
or a campaign against the abuser. What I am advocating is the
coming out of hiding, the revealing the secrets and exposing the
shameful conduct, acts and activities of the abuser. It's not
the victim who needs to carry the burden, it's the abuser that's
responsible for the crime against that little girl. The little
girl needs help and the abuser needs help. Both need the
healing and comfort of the LORD Jesus.
and this is
my own story
(it's long, very long; it's personal, very personal; it's graphic,
very graphic; it's my story.)
and a few of my own articles
Originally posted at
The Welcome
Home Blog
♥
CSA = Tell Someone! ♥
It's Not Our Little Secret
♥
Let's Pretend
♥
No More Secrets
♥
A Co-Incident ♥
So, Why Does Stuff Happen?
♥
CSA Fallout ♥ I've
never Told Anyone This Before
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