Before You Say "I Do"
Norma
Daulton
Copyright 2005
"Therefore shall
a man leave his father and mother,
and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall
become one flesh."
Genesis 2:24
Leave
And Cleave
In order
for a couple to have a strong marriage the husband
and wife must be committed to walking in obedience
to God's Word, maturing in the faith and being led
by the Holy Spirit. When your life and your marriage
is anchored in the Rock, Jesus Christ, the storms of
life may shake you, but you will not sink in the
sand or be washed away by a tidal wave.
The Agape
Love of God is the glue that holds a marriage
together. Human love alone will not ensure a strong
marriage. God's Love must be implanted in us---'shed
abroad in our heart by the Holy Spirit'-- before we
can truly love our neighbor, our spouse and
ourselves. As God's Agape Love is shed abroad in our
heart, experienced, and His character and nature
formed in our hearts, we take on the likeness of
Jesus Christ. As this transformation takes place in
our hearts, others experience His love as it flow
out from us
Before
two people can cleave to each other they must leave
(give up) their independence. Marriage requires
working together, and for independent people this
can be difficult, because they tend to have "me
first" attitudes. I once heard someone say, "Before
you can have a good marriage, there has to be two
funerals and a wedding."
Many
young couples leave their parents' home physically,
when they marry; but they still depend upon their
parents to rescue them when they get into situations
that are over their heads. Both, but especially the
man, must leave behind dependence upon his parents.
The umbilical cord must be cut in order for him to
bond and cleave to his bride.
When God commanded the man to 'leave and cleave' He
meant him to break the parent-child bond, to sever
the tight emotionally dependent strings that have
provided security, protection, financial assistance
and physical needs. All or any of these ties with
father and mother, if brought over into a marriage,
will hinder the couple from maturing and having a
strong marriage. The Creator of Adam (man)
understood the importance of the man bonding to the
woman, and how difficult it would be for him to step
out from under the protective covering of his
parents, especially the father, and assume the role
of the leader.
The
Scriptural command for man to leave his father and
mother and cleave to his wife was the first prophecy
given in the Bible and is very significant. If
"leaving and cleaving" is not a priority for the man
and the woman it will be difficult for a couple to
fulfill their roles to 'tend, guard and care for
their garden' (home and each other). The kingdom
mandate that God gave Adam and Eve was to rule and
take dominion over all that he had created for
them. Each son and daughter who has accepted Jesus
as Savior and who has been filled with the Holy
Spirit has been given all that they need to live
productive lives in this earth age.
Leaving
the Nest
I've done
a good bit of study on Eagles and their relationship
to babies and have found it a good lesson... for
parents. The wise eagle begins to encourage and even
push the little eagles out of the nest not long
after birth. They teach them how to fly, find their
own food and fight the enemy. Baby eagles will stay
in the nest as long as the parents provide their
food.
So many
problems that occur during the adjustment period of
marriage might be avoided, if sons and daughter were
taught and prepared to assume their roles for which
they were created. >From the time a son is weaned
the parents should begin preparing him to live in
accordance with God's Word, to become independent of
them, and to begin exercising the dominion mandate
given to each son. Daughters need to be taught how
to be keepers of the home, to obey, respect, trust
and love their husbands.
Young
couples are not the only ones who have trouble with
the 'leaving and cleaving'. Perhaps as one pastor
said, the best wedding gift parents could give the
happy couple is the solemn promise to release them
to 'cleave and bond' to each other. This pastor
went on to say " Maybe we should have the
parents stand along side the couple during part of
the wedding ceremony and pledge publicly to release
their children unto God's loving care and to entrust
their child into the care of the one they are marry."
unquote
All of us need to be free in Christ Jesus to learn,
grow and make mistakes! Experience makes faith in
Jesus stronger. The apostle Paul gives every
Christian a strong Word about remaining babies in
Christ Jesus.
"...everyone that useth milk is unskillful in
the word of righteousness: for he is a babe. But
strong meat belongeth to them who are of full age,
even those who by reason of use have their senses
exercised to discern both good and evil."
Hebrews 5:12-14
As the husband and wife are Spirit taught about
Jesus and God's Word they draw closer to God, and
have their 'sense' exercised to know good and evil.
What a powerful lesson for every Christian, for
parents and especially for young married couples.
Becoming One
When a
man and woman make the commitment to leave their
parents and cling to each other, they are on their
way to fulfilling the third part of God's prophesy
in Genesis..."they shall become one flesh."
Becoming
one flesh suggest a process, not an instantaneous
act. It means that for the rest of your married life
you are to walk out your wedding vows. Two people
with different background, temperaments, habits,
feelings, parents, education, pursuits, interest,
gifts, and talents, don't leave a wedding ceremony
in perfect unity. Building a Christian relationship
with your spouse, building a home, and raising
children to the glory of God is a life-long
commitment It requires wisdom, understanding and
knowledge which comes from the Creator of man/woman
and of a biblical marriage. The process of becoming
one requires that both parties are Spirit
taught---the principles of Truth that Jesus
taught--- guided and led in by the Holy Spirit in
all their affairs.
Unity
does not mean uniformity
God
brought Eve to Adam... not to become another Adam,
but to be distinct, unique, obviously different, but
to complement him. Uniformity occurs in donut shops,
or in Detroit on long assembly lines. Becoming one
flesh does not mean laying down your individuality.
The whole idea of mutual acceptance, giving,
listening, forgiving, belonging and direction is
what unity is all about. God made male and female
with different attributes and capabilities. One is
incomplete without the other. But, together they are
whole (complete, one).
Becoming
presents the picture of sharing all one is with
their mate, so that both are expanded and made more
complete, not changed. It is the picture of total
unselfishness...two people giving what they possess
to "fulfill" the needs of the other. A couple
surrounded by the security of commitment to each
other, the acceptance brought by mutual love,
respect and unity of purpose and goals, and the joys
of personal intimacy will surely have a heavenly
union.
Security
Is Implied in the Word 'Cleave'
The
Hebrew term 'cleave' means to 'glue' or to 'cling.'
The man is the one God commands to 'cleave' to his
wife. In other words, the man is to 'glue' himself
to his wife. God knew that the wife would need,
more than the young man, to feel safe and secure. A
young girl, leaving the safe confines of her
parent's home and protection, must transfer her
dependence from her parents, especially her father,
to the man she is marrying. For her to do this, the
girl needs to feel safe and secure in the knowledge
that her husband will always have her best interest
at heart. >From a woman's point of view, being
'glued' to her husband means her husband will guard
her, keep her safe from harm, and will protect her
from situations that could be harmful for her. The
husband is the Protector of the Home, his wife and
children.
Being secure is important to a woman, but the
deepest desire of every woman is to know, without
doubt, that she holds first place in the heart of
her husband, a place no other woman will hold. The
apostle Paul teaches us in Ephesians 6 that the man
is to love his wife as (or like) Christ loved the
church... He died for Her. That is security of the
highest level. And deep with in each woman there is
the desire to be secure in the knowledge that her
husband will without a doubt give her first place in
his heart, and that he will love her until death do
they part.
Trust
Your Husband To God
Just as
it is important for the woman to have security and
be deeply loved, the man on the other hand needs to
feel that his wife trusts him to make decisions that
are in the best interest of the family. There is
deep satisfaction in providing for one's family.
Providing, food, clothing, and shelter are easier,
when a man is appreciated, and encouraged in his
role as Provider. The husband must learn how to walk
in the Dominion Mandate that God gave to Adam (and
Christian men today) and as he learns to fulfill
God's dominion mandate, he needs the trust,
confidence and support of a loving wife.
So, while
it is important for a woman to feel secure,
protected and loved as Jesus loves His Church, the
man on the other hand needs to have the trust of his
wife and be encouraged to follow Jesus as he
fulfills his role as head of the home. The young
bride (and us older brides) must submit to her
husband's leadership... to make decisions for her
spiritual and physical well-being. For a man to
exercise the dominion and authority given to him by
God, he must be free to be led by the Holy Spirit.
Bail Out Marriages
` Commitment is a rare and precious thing these
days. `
After
marriage is not the time to discover your role and
commit to it... do it before you say " I Do". If
you do not make this commitment in your heart, to
God, and to your mate, you may do as so many others
have done... bail out when things get rough.
Today's
divorce rate is may be due to the fact that young
men and women are not being taught in the home and
in church that God intends marriage to be a state of
permanence. Many young couples enter marriage with
the idea in the back of their minds that if things
go wrong, of if they are not satisfied with their
mate, they could bail out. First of all, they have
not cut the umbilical cord to their parents, or
possibly friends, and they do not think in terms of
"permanent relationships". They make provision for
their flesh.
Vows, commitments and promises are not important to
a vast majority of Christians today... in particular
to married couples. If Christian couples would
believe God's Word and understand that when the
Eternal Father says, "Til death do ye part", He
means you are to stay together until one of you
die. Unfortunately 'till death do ye part' is a
mere formality to many who utter these vows before
God, Pastor and attending guests during the wedding
ceremony.
It is becoming 'ole fashioned' to establish
permanent bonds. Men and women often crave and seek
after "independence" ---being free in other words to
live their lives free of rules and constraints. More
and more 'til disagreement do we part', or 'till
other interests do we part' are the temporary bonds
many seek in a marriage relations... An escape
hatch. Permanent relationships, with Jesus, our
spouse, with friends, others in the body of Christ
are not sought because some prefer short-term
relationship with an escape route provided when the
going gets rough.
Wars Are Not Won By Evacuation
Sir
Winston Churchill stated his philosophy in six
words---"Wars are not won by evacuations." And that
was how Sir Winston lived. While other voices
shouted, "Surrender", he refused to be moved, but
stood firm. While cities were devastated, bridges
fell, buildings crumbled, and his people were
dying, yet, Winston Churchill refused to be budged.
I'd like to say that marriages are not won by
evacuation or surrender to the world's philosophy of
love and marriage. They are won by following the
letter (Bible) that God has given to us. Learning
the kind of courage that Sir Winston Churchill
demonstrated began as a young man, no doubt in the
home. And the same is true of your young children---
as mom and dad teach their children the precepts of
God's Word and show them how to walk in these
precepts. Courage begins in the home and spreads out
into the church, community, and government.
Surrender to the enemy of our souls is never an
option, if we are to become Overcomers in the
Kingdom of God.
I would like to leave you with the words of a Pastor
spoken during a particular wedding ceremony. "The
Bible teaches that marriage between a husband and
wife is a powerful force. Outside the power of the
redeeming grace of Jesus Christ that brings a person
from death to life, from darkness to light, from
self to selflessness, from doubt to faith, from
uncertainty to assurance, there is nothing more
visibly powerful than the genuine love of a man and
woman in Christ Jesus. That power gives order to a
church, household, a community, and a nation.
Without it, the whole fabric of society would be
chaos. With it, churches, homes, communities,
institutions and nations have a comprehensive
unifying factor that is their greatest strength."
Norma Daulton
Copyright 2005
\o/
/_\
I pray
that in this issue of AWOV you have found a nugget
of truth that you can use; that you have been
lavishly blessed by the Word and that you have felt
the power of God's Love by the Holy Spirit.