Loving our Husbands or
picture your precious Savior kneeling before you, gently taking your dusty,
dirty feet in His hands as He begins to wash and then dry them? I can’t
imagine a more humbling feeling than to have my Lord and master serve me.
Peter obviously felt the same way for he questioned why His master would
wash his feet. He still didn’t understand, even after Jesus had spoken to
him that the first shall be last and he who wanted to be great must lay his
life down to serve. To each of us as wives He has commanded of us the same.
To laying down our lives for our husbands and family and to serve them in
As I read this account in John 13, I was deeply moved by the love and
humility of Christ. Verse three says that ‘Jesus KNOWING that the Father had
given all things into his hands, and that he was come from God, and went to
God.’ (my emphasis). He knew that he possessed a throne in heaven and earth
was his footstool, but even though He knew His exalted state He bowed low
and took on the form of a servant. When he finished washing their feet he
said, "For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to
you. Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his
lord: neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him".
Jonathan Edwards once wrote this about Jesus, "his love did not rest in mere
feeling, nor in light efforts and small sacrifices, but though we were
enemies, yet he so loved us. He gave up His own ease, and comfort, and
interest, and honour, and wealth". This is our Jesus!! So opposite from our
own flesh that wants things our way and life to be easy. Our death to selves
will come daily, hour by hour, and minute by minute in the little things.
Our ways, our opinions, our ideas of how things should be. This is where we
will die and as we die the very life of Christ will be resurrected in our
bodies. Praise His Blessed Name!
I don’t have a clear portrait in my mind of a servant. The closest example I
can draw from is a waitress, nurse or a housecleaner. God’s word, on the
other hand, is full of information on the duties and position of a servant.
The meaning of the word servant in Mark 10:43 actually means ‘to run
errands’ or to do menial duties. Here are a few of the things I found:
They are owned by someone (John 12:26)
* Bought with something valuable
* Employed in their masters work, not their own. (Jn. 2:5)
* Appointed to work- not idle
* They own nothing. Their children and wife, if given to them by the master
, would stay with the master when the servant was set free. (Exodus 21:1-11)
* Whatever they receive is to be made use of for the master. This includes
their talents, abilities and physical strength.
* He is not free to manage his own life. His day is planned by someone else.
* Does whatever he is told (Eph 6:5)
My heart was deceived for many years thinking because I was a homemaker that
I was serving my husband. I felt that my responsibilities were fulfilled
because I cooked his meals, served him drinks and goodies in his chair, made
his special desserts, kept his house clean and took care of his children.
But, heaven help him if he desired for me to stay home from a woman’s bible
study that I had my heart set on, or to change my plans if he needed me to
run errands for him. He became my ‘ mortal enemy’ set on ‘ruining and
running’ my life. It became obvious that a lot of what I chose to do each
day was because I felt it was important, not because he necessarily thought
So, in practical terms, I have shared a few of the principles of serving
that I have been trying to implement daily. Many of these have been taught
to me by older godly women that have blessed my life.
1. I study how to please him. ( 1 Corinthians 7:34 )What is important to
him? What makes him cranky? What has he had to ask of me more than one time?
What makes him smile? What does he find attractive in other women? What does
he compliment me on? These become the priority of my day. I once asked my
husband to take a test where he ranked what he felt was important concerning
the home, etc. My husband listed good meals, clean clothes and my appearance
over everything else. So this became my goal for the day. You could do this
by listing your main duties of the home, the way you dress and look, the
meals you cook, how you schedule your day and then ask him to rate the top
3-5 in importance.
A. Meals: I started taking notice of what he enjoyed eating and tried to
stop fixing what he hated. He hates spaghetti. We rarely ever have it unless
he okays it. I buy the brands of food he likes, and I try to prepare it to
please him. There are a hundred little preferences that make him happy and I
am working on showing him my love by preferring him in these areas.
B. I make laundry one of my first priorities for the day and work hard at
keeping his drawers and closet filled with clean clothes. I wash his clothes
C. Working on my appearance has taken some time. I love the "Little House on
the Prairie" look. He , on the other hand, likes me to look ‘classy’. I love
jumpers! He hates them and says that they remind him of a goat herder. I
would prefer to wear no make-up, he prefers it. I like my hair in a simple
bun, he prefers it curled and more modern looking. Since I am created for
him and not myself, I am working on pleasing him in these areas. This has
taken awhile to change because I don’t have the finances to go out and buy a
whole new wardrobe, but I’m slowly trying to change the way I dress to
please him. Another complaint has been my night ware. I found some Satin
p.j.’s that were comfortable and on sale for half price, so I purchased 2
2.Die to my preferences, opinions and desires. This is a daily battle for
me. I’m trying to learn to die in the little things. Some areas that I am
working on is my desire of where I would like to go to church, my opinion on
what I feel is best for my children if his opinion differs, my preference
concerning the restaurant to eat or how to spend our days off. This doesn’t
mean that I don’t lay my requests before him if I think they are important,
but that I die to my way when it’s not an important issue or if he has said
no. I have also had to ‘watch’ him carefully because I have seen in the past
if I feel strongly about an issue, he will take a back seat to my opinion
and allow me to lead the family in that area. I have seen the fruit of that
and want no part of it.
3. The money and how it should be spent. Again, I give my opinion and then
pray that God will give him wisdom to make the best decision. I try to stay
within the amount of money he allots. I never buy large purchases without
4. Schedule for the day. My personal sin is that I plan out my day, what I
feel needs to be , and my will dies hard if the plan is interrupted. I often
forget that my goal is to serve and I place my focus on MY goals and
schedule. I get ‘stressed’ or frustrated if he interferes with those plans.
The Lord has been instructing me for several years that my husbands requests
should be my plan for the day. I was given to him to be his helpmate, he has
not been created to be mine. This is a daily battle of dying to myself.
Psalm 16:5,8 has been life changing in this area. The principle that God is
the one who has ultimately assigned me my portion for today. Just like the
children of Israel, it may not be the portion that I want but He desires
that I trust Him and take what comes from His hand without murmuring or
complaining. He is teaching me to not "lean to my own understanding " (Prov
3:5-7) of what I think the day should be, but to acknowledge Him in all my
ways and trust Him to direct my path. When my chest starts to get heavy from
the stress and my breathing labored I know that I am not trusting him with
the day. He then reminds me that I can trust Him with ‘my goals’. It has
become a life of faith, instead of depending on myself. I have had to depend
on him to make the time available to accomplish the work that needs to be
To take on the form of a servant , our reputation has to be laid aside. Many
times our dearest friends and family members will not understand our desire
to serve our husbands as Jesus served his disciples. They may remark that we
are being a doormat. Phil 2:7 says that Jesus made himself no reputation. In
other words He became lower than a doormat, He became nothing. A servant, in
the actual description of the word, is not thought of as glorifying
position.The meaning of the word servant in Mark 10:43 actually means ‘to
run errands’ or to do menial duties. The Lord’s ways are not our ways and
what we esteem as good are often of no value in His sight. Amy Carmichael in
her book, "If" quotes, "IF the ultimate, the hardest, cannot be asked of me;
if my fellows hesitate to ask it and turn to someone else, then I know
nothing of Calvary love".
Let us learn of Him, dear sisters. Let us lay down our lives for our
husbands in the truest sense of the word, in the seemingly little things for
those little things over a period of time can become BIG THINGS. May our day
be fashioned after our husbands heart, and not our own. Oh, that we would
truly sacrifice to please him in the areas that are important to him. For
when we have done it unto our husbands, we have truly done it for our Lord.
Copyright 1998. Georgene Girouard.