This woman was writing because her marriage was troubled, her husband wasn't the Spiritual leader [she thought he ought to be] of the home.  She wanted to live in obedience to him and to the LORD.



Dear Sister---

Thank you for writing.  I pray the LORD will give me wisdom as I reply to your question.  My very simple straightforward answer is obey the LORD and obey your husband.  Now, that simplistic answer may seem to not be an answer at all---and also, you already know that that is the answer....  You sound very bright and more importantly, you sound very sincere in wanting to serve the LORD as well as having a desire to love your husband.

Very often Christian women will appear to be ahead of their husband spiritually---in the early years of a man's walk with the LORD, if he doesn't get right into the daily reading of the Word, fellowship with strong or mature Christian *men* and if he isn't regularly in church fellowshipping with other believers, he will either not grow or grow so slowly so as it is not noticeable.  I believe this is primarily why it is imperative for the Christian wife to obey the LORD and obey the Word---following the models of Titus 2.4-5;  Proverbs 31.10-31; 1 Peter 3.1-6;  1 Corinthians 7.3-4, 14, 34; and  1 Corinthians 13.1-13.

I have found many times over the years that God is not nearly so concerned with my comfort as with my character---and it is the molding and pruning and shaping of our current character that God uses to develop us into the women that He designed and intended in us---a godly, Christlike character. 


The LORD commands that we respect and submit to our husbands... this can only truly be done through dependence on and the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives... the more we seek to live pleasing and obedient to God, the more we will *do* those things that are pleasing to Him.  You will start loving your husband because Christ loves him---you will be a joyful wife because the LORD wills that you be so. Ps 113.9  You will receive the blessing and encouragement that only God can give and only those living in obedience to Him will experience---the peace that passes understanding that comes to those whose hearts and minds are stayed on Him.


I will say also that there are some practical ways you can demonstrate your love for the LORD to your husband that will not be threatening: meeting the needs he has, showing preference to him, preparing for him---anticipating his daily homecoming, esteeming him highly, preferring him above all others, never comparing him and never talking him down---to his face or behind his back.  Encouraging him in all his honest endeavors and praising him for something every day.


At thirty, he is likely to be wondering if he still "has it" and if he is still desirable... if *you* think he's "all that!"  You can be a ray of light to him here, assuring him of your love and appreciation for him, that he is "still the one" for you, that you are content with him and who he is.  That's the hard thing about love---the way the LORD seeks us to live and love is to bear all, hope all, believe all, endure all--things.  That's a tough one, isn't it?!?!  But that's what love is and what love does---it never fails.  We will fail, though and that's why we so need the Holy Spirit working in and through us.


So then, above all, pray for him daily.  This will be the greatest blessing to you because you will be pouring your heart out to the very LORD who created you, loves you, died for you, lives to make intercession for you.  You will receive nourishment and will be strengthened to love the man the LORD has given you.  If he is not now seeming to be that one, then pray the LORD will give you a love for him---pray the LORD will love him *through you* and pray the LORD will work in you to be a radiant woman whose price in far above rubies in the eyes of your husband.  This will carry you---your own disciplines with the LORD will give you strength and wisdom and you *will* make it.


I pray as I send this that you will be blessed of the LORD and that He will carry you.


With love in Jesus---ps


pamela spurling